Smooth AF Mashed Potatoes

All of my gummy candy binges and lack of flossing caught up with me and I had to get a root canal. When I made the appointment, I asked the scheduler if there was anything I needed to do. She chuckled and said, “No, it’s like getting a filling.” I have had my share of fillings, so if it really was just like a filling, I would just fall asleep in the chair like every other filling procedure I’ve gotten.

However, my whole life, my parents scared the shit out of me and made it seem like a root canal was going to wreck me. Dentistry has come a long way in the past 20 years, my friends. The root canal was just like a filling, I didn’t fall asleep, and I went grocery shopping after. I figured I should still take it easy, and eat something smooth so I don’t accidentally gnaw the inside of my cheek off because the anesthesia hadn’t worn off. Plus, my gums were tender, some smooth AF mashed potatoes would be perfect.

I apologize in advance for the shitty measurements in the recipe. I cook by eyeballing the ingredients, so like I’ve said with all of the other recipes I’ve shared — Trust your gut and your taste buds!

Mashed Potato


  • 8 medium sized Golden potatoes – I made entirely too much mashed potatoes. 
  • ~1/2 cup of butter, broken up into cubes or smaller pieces – Eyeball it
  • ~1/2 cup of heavy whipping cream – Eyeball it. You can warm this up if you want, I didn’t, but you can! 
  • ~ 1/2 cup of chopped green onions – Add more, add less, don’t add it at all, up to you. You can use chives too. 
  • Salt and Pepper to taste

What to do

  1. Clean and scrub the potatoes. To make peeling easier once the potatoes are boiled, take a knife and cut through just the skin around the middle of the potato. If that didn’t make sense here is a video: Potato Peeling Lifehack
  2. Bring a big pot of water and salt to a boil. Once boiling, carefully drop potatoes in there.
  3. Boil potatoes until they are fork tender aka When you stick a fork in them, it goes in easy and slides off easy.
  4. Take the potatoes out with a slotted spoon, and put them into a separate bowl. Carefully peel them (HOT POTATOES!), and put them back into the bowl.
  5. Throw the butter into the bowel so it can start to melt. I used Amish roll butter because Amish butter is LEGIT.
  6. I use a potato ricer to make the potatoes smooth AF, if you don’t have one I recommend getting one. You can always mash them the traditional way, but the ricer really makes it. Put the potatoes into the ricer, and rice them along with the butter so it all gets incorporated.
  7. Rice the mix a few more times to get all the lumps out, and to make it smooth AF.
  8. Add in heavy whipping cream. Add more or less butter and whipping cream to your taste.
  9. Fold in green onions.
  10. Salt and pepper to taste. ENJOY!

Don’t forget to taste everything as you go so it tastes how you want it to!

Mashed Potato 2

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s