** I know that my nail polish is messed up in the picture. I kinda figured out what was going to happen while we were in the car, so I tried my best to do my nails while we were on the 405.**
The fiance and I have been together for over 6 years.
We have been engaged for almost a year.
We have done close to zero wedding planning. This is 100% on me because there is no way I was going to be able to plan a Dam Hoi (Vietnamese Engagement Ceremony) and Wedding while I was in the thick of studying for exams starting rotations. A bunch of my friends and colleagues are doing it, but I don’t have the bandwidth for it. We also don’t have the money for it right now.
Immediately after he proposed to me, the first thing I asked was, “Did you ask my parents?” Not only did he ask them, he flew to spend the weekend with them to ask them for my hand in marriage. Even though my parents have been citizens and lived in the US longer than they ever did in Vietnam, they don’t really know some American customs. They know whatever their friends tell them, which isn’t always customary. They inevitably agreed, but not without a long winded lecture and manipulative questions.
To this day, we are still not considered officially engaged because we haven’t had the Dam Hoi. They are hesitant to meet his family even though his family is more than ready to welcome them. I understand it’s hard to think of your child growing up and really leaving the nest, but it doesn’t mean I love them any less.
We barely talk about wedding stuff because they think I can just hold off until I’m done with all of my schooling/residency. No. I’m not doing that.
They don’t want me to change my last name because they feel if I did I would be throwing away my Vietnamese heritage and any of my accomplishments thus far. That isn’t true, and no I don’t plan on hyphenating or keeping my last name. No matter what last name I have, I am still Vietnamese American. I’m still the person that accomplished all these things and brought my ass this far into my career. The only thing that changes is I’ll have a husband and who will take over the world with me.
I have heard other Vietnamese friends’ wedding horror stories, and I didn’t think it would happen to me, but it’s happening… So much has happened, so much will happen, and you all get to join in on the crazy. If you’re reading this, and your parents are intense or Vietnamese or immigrants or Tiger parents or Helicopter Parents or Control freaks…maybe you can help me, or maybe I can help you!